Count the Kicks, Count on Yourself: How to Advocate When Something Feels Off

I'm proud to serve as one of Indiana's Count the Kicks Ambassadors, alongside my fellow ambassador Kristen Secviar of Valparaiso. Count the Kicks is a nonprofit stillbirth prevention program, and November is Prematurity Awareness Month, so this is the post I wish every pregnant parent could read before they reach 28 weeks.

Count the Kicks works. In Iowa, where the program started, the stillbirth rate dropped by nearly 32 percent in its first 10 years. It's free, it takes just a few minutes a day, and it teaches you one of the most valuable skills in late pregnancy: how to read your own baby.

Here's how to do it, and what to do when something feels off and you don't feel heard.

How to count the kicks

Start at 28 weeks, or earlier if your provider recommends it.

Pick a time of day when your baby is usually active. After a meal works well for many parents. Sit with your feet up or lie on your side, and pay attention.

Count each distinct movement: kicks, jabs, rolls, swishes and twists. Hiccups don't count.

Time how long it takes to feel 10 movements, and write it down. The free Count the Kicks app makes this easy. It tracks your sessions over time and shows you your baby's normal pattern.

The goal isn't a magic number. The goal is learning what's normal for your baby. After a few weeks of tracking, you'll know how long it usually takes to feel 10 movements, and you'll be more likely to notice when that pattern changes.

That noticing is the whole point.

What a change in movement actually means

A common myth is that babies move less near the end of pregnancy because they run out of room. That isn't true. Babies have less space late in pregnancy, so their movements may feel different, more like rolls and stretches than sharp kicks, but they shouldn't slow down.

A real decrease in movement is a warning sign. It's not a reason to panic, but it is a reason to call your provider.

If your baby's movements are noticeably different from their normal, call your provider right away. Don't wait until morning or office hours, don't text a friend first, and don't feel embarrassed.

You can say, "My baby's movements are different from normal, and I would like to be seen."

When you don't feel heard

This is the part many pregnancy posts leave out.

Sometimes you call, you go in, you have a non-stress test, the baby looks fine on the monitor, and you're sent home, but you still feel unsettled.

If that feeling doesn't go away, listen to it.

You're allowed to ask for an ultrasound. You're allowed to ask for a biophysical profile. You're allowed to go back the next day if your gut still tells you something is wrong. And you're allowed to change providers, even late in pregnancy, if your concerns keep getting brushed aside.

Research shows that Black and Brown patients are more likely to have their concerns dismissed. If you're Black or Brown and you feel like you're not being heard, trust that feeling. Bring your partner, your support person or your doula. Repeat your concern clearly and firmly, with your people beside you.

Scripts that work

Here are the phrases I teach my clients:

"My baby's movements are different from normal, and I would like to be seen today."

"I would like a second opinion before I go home."

"Please document my concern in my chart."

"I'm not comfortable leaving without an ultrasound. Can you arrange that?"

"I would like to speak with the on-call OB before any decisions are made."

These phrases are calm and specific, and they don't apologize. Practice saying them out loud at home so they come more easily when you're stressed.

What partners can do

Partners play a big role. When the pregnant parent is exhausted, in pain or overwhelmed, the partner can speak up.

Partners don't need to be confrontational, just clear. For example: "My partner is concerned about reduced movement. We're asking for additional monitoring before we leave."

Partners can also help keep track of the details: when the pregnant parent last ate, when they last felt a strong movement, and anything unusual that day. Bringing this information makes it easier for the provider to act.

Indiana, specifically

About 500 babies are stillborn in Indiana every year. My work as a Count the Kicks Ambassador is one part of changing that.

If you're pregnant in Indiana, ask your provider about the free Count the Kicks materials, available in English, Spanish, Haitian Creole, and other languages that offices can order to give their patients. Encourage your OB's office to stock kick-count cards, and share the app with friends and family who are expecting.

This isn't only personal. It's community work. Every family we help keep from losing a baby to stillbirth makes the system stronger for all of us.

Where to start

If you're 28 weeks or more, download the free Count the Kicks app today. If you're earlier in your pregnancy, save this post and come back to it.

If you'd like kick-count cards or the partner script printables, or want to hear how I include Count the Kicks in my prenatal visits with every doula client, send me a message.

Trust your gut, bring your scripts and lean on your people. That's how we help keep babies safe, even when the system doesn't always listen.